Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Limbo..............and not loving it.....

I would say that there is no way I could sum up what it feels like to be in limbo when you are a military wife. It is a part of your life, a part of who you are...we live in the constant waiting mode.....waiting on orders, waiting on sea schedules, waiting on houses, waiting, waiting, waiting......never knowing what you are doing next and not being able to count on anything. The military owns you and they dictate so much.
I think that nobody sums it up like Leah Killian.....her post on "Limbo" is just right on target. I have it bookmarked and go and read it sometimes (I know very weird....but It makes me feel better to hear someone else feel the same way I do)....by the way you should check out her blog Life As Lou, it's really real, interesting and super fun. Not to mention that she is a rocking scrapbooker!

Anyway....I have no curtains up, hardly anything on my walls....stuff is not arranged the way I want it..I need a new TV stand...all these things....but I cannot spend the money or the time because at the drop of a hat we will be moving.
We are up for orders..we leave beginning of June...it's MARCH and we have heard nothing......my husband is starting work ups again...and if I knew that we were for sure going to shore duty next and for sure staying here in San Diego, I would make my house work and it would be easier to deal with the coming and going of Derek if I knew that it was temporary...

We will probably buy a house (as I cannot stand the rental brown carpet anymore and the lady that screams 24/7 in Arabic at her kids that lives behind me...well, she just might make it until next week as I cannot stand her ruining a perfect Spring afternoon with her constant screaming anymore)and I will have curtains on EVERY window...and the right shaped rugs..and make my bedroom pretty...and get the odds and ends of the crap in the boxes in the garage organized...if I just knew that it wasn't a waste of time.

I need to figure out what I am doing with the rest of my life. Like, maybe a career....something that brings in a steady paycheck. So, do I go back to school, do I take some kind of job training, do I get a job...what to do...but I can't start anything until we know for sure where we will be.

I need some grounding in my life. I have been a gypsy for too long. I'm ready for a forever house. A house that is mine, a neighborhood that I invest myself into, friends that I can meet for coffee....a husband that comes home every night....seems so far away sometimes. Derek retires in 4 years. What he does next, we don't know...but for now, I'll just keep waiting...

Oh hey, a little sunshine for me...this is what I bought for my birthday...all for me...you know my thing about birds and how happy they make me. I bought it from Amy's Etsy shop called Bebe and Yaya. Her work is incredible..and I love her blog also!

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sad to say but I totally understand how you feel. I being a military wife as well. Atleast you got to stay in SD for so long. I have to move every 2 years. So totally understand about the curtains and carpet thing. LOL! I just thought I'd share that you are not the only one. I recently moved to Washington State and I ma loving it. I have yet to finish unpacking since it seeme useless when I know I will be moving in about another year. Didnt mean to blab! HOpe you guys get your paper work squared away! Good luck!
Michelle M.
chengunation.blogspot.com

Lisa T. Howard said...

Katie, my heart goes out to you. I cannot even begin to say I know how you feel, but I DO know how I can't handle having things unsettled. I'm currently in a stalled state with my fiance. We live 3 states apart and thanks to the declining economy and the "broken" housing market, we have no idea when we will be able to get married and live in the same state, much less the same house. I wish you the best and will pray for answers soon. Happy birthday to you...love the bracelet!

Gabrielle said...

Another military wife here. We are waiting to hear on hubby's year long TDY to Iraq. It almost seems as life continues to move forward for everyone else but I have a hard time thinking past the moment. I think about all the what if's and become overwhelmed. I jotted down some thoughts on a year in our life http://withthislifeiwilllive.blogspot.com/2009/02/whats-in-year.html. Hope you hear soon!

Samantha said...

Ahh Katie-I wish the best for your family, my dearest friend is a pilot's wife too and I hear it from her all the time-military wives are very strong women.
Hopefully you will get to stay here close to family.
On a lighter note, you bought my bracelet! I saw it on her website and went to etsy to buy itbut it was already gone!!! so you are the lucky girl!!! I am happy for you. Happy Birthday!

Tracy Johnson said...

I just want to say that we all (in the USA)are so blessed to have people like your husband, with wives and family who sacrifice so much. Thank you for what you do. And I hope that you will soon find out your new orders and can find your own house to make into the home you so richly deserve! From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!

cindy said...

I'm so with you right now. I'm done with being a Military wife. We are up for orders as Brian has his COC May 1. We've been given phone orders but nothing writen on paper {not that thats for sure either when you're in the military} to Dahlgren, Va. My fear is they'll sit on his orders until the last minute and then say... uh... well... we'll just send him to afgan- for a year. Then at that point the detailer will have the same fate as your backdoor neighbor!

Shelley Haganman said...

Katie, I can not imagine what you are going through! Being in Limbo is never a comfortable feeling. I feel bad. I want you to have all those things too. I guess you just need to let it out and let your scrapping friends comfort you! Hang in there girl and know that we are all saying a little prayer for you and hoping you get all that you desire. You deserve it!

Christy's Closet said...

Katie, best of luck to you and your family. I'm grateful for military families like yours. Its really the whole family who sacrifices for our freedoms. Thank you! I hope you're able to stay here in San Diego so someday our paths cross, in person, not just through Paper Tales and blogging inspirations. Cheers!
Christy

sarah moore said...

Sadly I know exactly the way you feel as well katie. Life as a military spouse is by no means easy!!! I have to say the not knowing is the worst.....everything sort of goes on hold til you find out. I went through this several months ago and am still trying to find my place in the new area. But we are all tough cookies!!! Good luck and I hope you find out soon and can plan

Emily Jones said...

((((((HUGS))))))

If you need to vent, I'm all ears..you know the #.

Love to you and Maddy and Hannah and Derek and even Cory too!

Loves,
Em

Heidi Smith said...

WOW I could have wrote this post recently. down to buying myself a bracelet even LOL! Mine's out doing work-ups too (though we are in WA) and he's got 5 years left.

this whole post remended me of an album I did for a publication a while back. yeah...13 years of waiting. I actually did an entire album on it! LOL

oh yeah and we jsut moved too so everything is in boxes and I feel all out of sorts. my things are not where I like them.