~Day 3 of Missing Ian~

I feel so completely useless right now. I'm in a stupor and feel like I'm on "hold"...maybe that's because Derek will be here tomorrow and I'm waiting for him...I don't know. I just feel so incredibly sad and so heavy.
You see, the thing is that this family........Derek's family (and now my family) is so wonderful...I mean it. I mean there are a lot of wonderful people in the world...but they are "special". They are the kind of people that just embrace you and all that is about you...the good and the bad. They will never judge nor make you feel judged. You could sleep until noon at their house and they will tell you when you wake up..that they are so glad you got to catch up on sleep.
I walked in their door when I was dating Derek, as a single parent with a rebel 6 year old....I was broke and had not much to offer but myself...they NEVER made me feel less, in fact they just welcomed me with open arms.
They have been through alot in their lives...ALOT. Especially Debbie, my MIL. They have pulled through...sometimes by the seat of their pants but they made it. With a whole LOT of hard work.
Ian is the baby....their child together. Scott (My FIL) came into Derek and Jake's lives when Derek (my hubby and the oldest) was about 8....came in loving with open arms. Scott and Debbie had Ian, so then there were 3 boys.
This will be the HARDEST thing they ever have to go through. Harder then poverty, harder then losing their home and all their possessions to a fire, Harder then losing parents.....this will be a very LONG journey for them. I am SO worried. So worried for them. My heart breaks every time I think of it.
For me,losing Ian...means so many things. I've lost my dear sweet BIL. When I started dating Derek, Ian was 8. I had Cory who was 6. So we hung out alot. I remember Ian told me that when he grew up he wanted to be in "the FBI or a MIB (Men in Black, from the movie)"...so cute and so little boy. My girls lost their uncle (who they just thought was so cool)...my husband has lost his little brother....the parent-in-laws just lost their boy.
But also for me, it brings back so many memories. My brother passed away when he was 19, same age as Ian. A random coincidence? I don't know.....so I have been here before...and I don't like it. All those feelings that I thought I would never feel again are here.....brings back so much raw emotion...for me and my parents.
I'm going to leave you with another link to the story, it's all over the news here. This is the story, but also there is a video link to my FIL. Please listen to it....and hear his message. Drinking and driving happens all too much. I see it all the time....a party of Mom's together, drinking wine....then driving their kids home.....asking over and over, "are you sure you are OK to drive?" and then letting them go....not fighting for the keys. NEVER again, never will I sit and let that happen. Thanks for listening to my rambling this morning...I needed to write, it was good for me... Scott Kinney, My dear FIL