Thursday, July 24, 2008

~Day 3 of Missing Ian~


I feel so completely useless right now. I'm in a stupor and feel like I'm on "hold"...maybe that's because Derek will be here tomorrow and I'm waiting for him...I don't know. I just feel so incredibly sad and so heavy.
You see, the thing is that this family........Derek's family (and now my family) is so wonderful...I mean it. I mean there are a lot of wonderful people in the world...but they are "special". They are the kind of people that just embrace you and all that is about you...the good and the bad. They will never judge nor make you feel judged. You could sleep until noon at their house and they will tell you when you wake up..that they are so glad you got to catch up on sleep.
I walked in their door when I was dating Derek, as a single parent with a rebel 6 year old....I was broke and had not much to offer but myself...they NEVER made me feel less, in fact they just welcomed me with open arms.
They have been through alot in their lives...ALOT. Especially Debbie, my MIL. They have pulled through...sometimes by the seat of their pants but they made it. With a whole LOT of hard work.
Ian is the baby....their child together. Scott (My FIL) came into Derek and Jake's lives when Derek (my hubby and the oldest) was about 8....came in loving with open arms. Scott and Debbie had Ian, so then there were 3 boys.
This will be the HARDEST thing they ever have to go through. Harder then poverty, harder then losing their home and all their possessions to a fire, Harder then losing parents.....this will be a very LONG journey for them. I am SO worried. So worried for them. My heart breaks every time I think of it.
For me,losing Ian...means so many things. I've lost my dear sweet BIL. When I started dating Derek, Ian was 8. I had Cory who was 6. So we hung out alot. I remember Ian told me that when he grew up he wanted to be in "the FBI or a MIB (Men in Black, from the movie)"...so cute and so little boy. My girls lost their uncle (who they just thought was so cool)...my husband has lost his little brother....the parent-in-laws just lost their boy.
But also for me, it brings back so many memories. My brother passed away when he was 19, same age as Ian. A random coincidence? I don't know.....so I have been here before...and I don't like it. All those feelings that I thought I would never feel again are here.....brings back so much raw emotion...for me and my parents.
I'm going to leave you with another link to the story, it's all over the news here. This is the story, but also there is a video link to my FIL. Please listen to it....and hear his message. Drinking and driving happens all too much. I see it all the time....a party of Mom's together, drinking wine....then driving their kids home.....asking over and over, "are you sure you are OK to drive?" and then letting them go....not fighting for the keys. NEVER again, never will I sit and let that happen. Thanks for listening to my rambling this morning...I needed to write, it was good for me... Scott Kinney, My dear FIL

19 comments:

carmen perez said...

Katie, reading this brought tears to my eyes. I'll be praying for your hubby and your in-laws. This is such a sad and tragic situation. {{{HUGS}}}}!!!

Holly McCaig said...

Still on my mind, Katie! :) Hugs.

PattiHutch said...

Oh sweet Katie...I'm SO sorry for your lose. I can't even imagine what you or Derek or your family are going through. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

{{{HUGS}}}
Patti

Lori Gentile said...

Oh Katie, I'm so very sorry. I will pray for you and the family and keep everyone in my thoughts. Hugs from me, as well.

Tonya said...

Katie, I am at a loss for words other than I am so sorry for what you and your entire family are having to endure. My thoughts and prayers are with you. HUGS.

Tonya Dirk

wendy smedley said...

my prayers are with you and your loved ones- hugs
Wendy

Becky Heisler said...

Oh Katie !! I am sooooooooo sorry sweetie! It's so sad things like this have to happen! I will be praying for your IL's and your family!

(((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))
Becky

Sharon said...

Katie,

I am so sorry for the loss your family is going through. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Linda said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I will pray for you and your family.
((hugs))

Ceilidhmom said...

Katie...I'll say a little prayer for you and your family. Big hugs! God Bless!

nathalie mejdoub said...

wish you and your family a lot of strengh
nath

Anonymous said...

Oh katie seeing that video, hearing your fil talk with so much pain in his eyes and voice breaks my heart. I am lighting a light for all of you tonight.

corinnexxx

Sudie said...

Katie, continued prayers for your family and you. I am so sorry for your loss.

Dedra Long said...

Oh Katie....I'm so sorry for your lose and your in law's....
I can't even imagine the pain....

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers....

Big hugs to you!!!!
Dedra

Katherine said...

Katie,

I was so sad to read what you and your family are going through. Such a heartfelt blog. I will be praying for you, Derek, and his family. And most especially Ian. May God bless you all!

Tina said...

I am so heart broken for you and your family right now. You've been in my prayers constantly.

Staci Compher said...

Katie...I am so sorry to hear this.....keeping your entire family in my thoughts and prayers, it sounds like you have an awesome family....heartbreaking...

Sheila R said...

Katie, I am so sorry for your loss. I pray that God can give you and your family the strength to get through this. You are in my thoughts and prayers

Kirsty said...

Oh I am so so sorry for you and your family's loss. You guys are in my prayers